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Showing results for tags 'International News'.
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Münich, Germany. A chocolate company CEO has spent millions of dollars training squirrels to crack nuts for his production line. "<i>Turkish kids ain't fast enough</i>", said Schaisse Schokolade Corp. CEO, Herrmann Himmler. "<i>We got zo feed zem, but zeem started zo complain about ze dog food we gave zem, zo apart from making $0.5 an hour, zey complained!</i>" Two thousand assasin squirrels have been imported from New Zealand to Schaisse Schokolade instalations. For the task of commanding this workforce, Mr. Himmler chose famous gay couple Chip and Dale. "<i>We're trying zo be open minded, and gay squirrels just rises ze bar on zat mattah</i>", Human Resources Manager, Mürgen Scheißeschuh pointed. When asked about why use squirrels, Mr. Himmler replied: "<i>Zey're cheaper zan chinezee or blacks und don't whineee.</i>" <center><img src="http://images.google.co.cr/images?q=tbn:ZQ3WblXJ7JwJ:www.tommcmahon.net/images/chipdale3b.jpg"><h5>Chip and Dale while inspecting laborers at noon.</h5></center>
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Bahalad, Morocco. A Bahalad pawn shop owner is credited with directing police to an alleged cow porn suspect. Police say a 43-year-old morocco man left 304 images of bovine pornography on a computer he brought into a pawn shop. Mohammed Albahad was arrested over the weekend. Police say Albahad was trying to get cash when he sold his laptop to National Pawn & Casinos, last week. The store's owner spotted cow pornography on the laptop this Wednesday. Bahalad County Police & Camel Transit, were contacted and Albahad was arrested on bovine pornography charges this morning, ending an amateur 4 days investigation. Albahad faces charges of possession of cow pornography. <center><img width="264" height="194" src="http://www.reacharound.org/kroncho/cow#####er.jpg"><h5>This is one of the explicit pictures confiscated from Albahad's laptop</h5></center>
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Scotland, UK. Police in Scotland have caught a serial dater who invited women for romantic meals at expensive restaurants, then ran off while laughing, leaving them to pay the bill. Police say that the tricky bastard, George Gotcha, 23, struck dozens of times in the town of Suceava in eastern Scotland. He was finally caught after restaurant owners were issued with a photofit image of his face and an used condom. Five women have so far come forward to officially register a complaint against Gotcha, who was well-dressed with expensive stolen suits when he approached them in bars and clubs to invite them for a stupid "<i>romantic meal</i>". A police spokesman said: "<i>He was always generous with the order, he would demand the best wines and told his female guest to have whatever she wanted.</i>" "<i>But in every case, he would say he had to take a shiat and needed to go outside where reception was better and could crap out in the sidewalk, and then would simply vanish. In three cases, he even borrowed the girls purse to take the shiat - and disappeared with that as well.</i>" Gotcha faces two years jail if convicted, and police believe the real number of victims is far larger than the complaints they have received, but say most women would probably be too embarrassed to come forward. <center><img src="http://www.cville.com/members/ridenour/ugly.jpg"><h5>George "<i>Horny Nipples</i>" Gotcha fooled more than 5 women in a single week</h5></center>
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Manchuria, China. A toothbrush was used to relieve a different "<i>cavity</i>" when a geriatric dumbass decided to use the dental instrument to scratch his hemorrhoids. The 79-year-old man ordered into the hospital after the toothbrush became lodged in his rectum. An X-ray revealed it was deep inside near his pelvis. Although this was first recorded case of a toothbrush having to be removed from the rectum, the Manchurian Dental-Anal Journal reports doctors have recovered toothbrush holders, Barbie dolls, magazines and Playstation games in the past. <center><img width="320" height="200" src="http://chinese.faluninfo.net/images/evil%20guy%20pointing.JPG"><h5>Chinese people point at anal-self-invaders in Pekin.</h5></center>
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Bucharest, Romania. A man allegedly unhappy with penile-enlargement surgery he underwent mailed explosives to a Romanian plastic surgeon, according to a federal grand jury indictment. Blakov Moronivov, 24, allegedly made an explosive device that included a model-rocket engine igniter inside a fridge box, the federal indictment said. Moronivov drove to North Bucharest, last Saturday and mailed the box, but then drive home to Braila, called 911, and turned himself in, according to the indictment. East Cocalico Township Police, who received the 911 call, apprehended Moronivov and turned him over to federal authorities, who were holding him in "<i>Tranny Station</i>", officials said. Authorities called police in Ohio, who recovered the box from the mail and destroyed it. Special Agent Yuri Bomborov, a spokesman for the <b>Bureau of Alcohol, Prostitutes, Knives, Ice Cream, Vampires and Firearms</b> office in Transilvania, said the device "<i>should have functioned and produced an explosion. ...like KABOOM!</i>" The federal grand jury indictment charged Moronivov with using a weapon of mass destruction and failing, sending explosives through the mail, interstate transport of an explosive, and related offenses like sexual harassment or something. <center><img width="181" height="242" src="http://www.snowandfire.biz/gfx/bomb.gif"><h5>This is the device found in the fridge box.</h5></center>
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A Jamaican man with a longheld grudge against a dentist tried to run him over - but got the wrong dentist. Yamile Woodstick, 47, from Kingston, hated the dentist after he allegedly pulled out the wrong teeth in 1994, and then botched the repair work. The anger boiled over after a heavy drinking & marihuana session, and the man climbed into his car to drive to the dental surgery to tell the dentist what he thought of him. But he confused his dentist with another dentist who, by chance, was leaving the surgery after work, and on the spur of the moment decided to run him down. Police said it was a miracle that the injured nigga suffered only cuts and bruises and had not been killed. The defendant admitted to trying to kill him and said: "<i>I hate him deeply, mon. I've been in pain for years, since he fvcked up ma teeth.</i>" The rasta is now facing charges of attempted manslaughter, dog killing and grievous bodily harm. <center><img width="238" height="329" src="http://www.agencija-palladio.si/_derived/Rasta.htm_txt_Rasta.gif"> <h5>Woodstick at the local Police department.</h5></center>
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Dumbeley, Washington, US. Mario Juárez Pereira, general manager of the Dumbeley County Public Service Sewer District And Pedopholist Center, said the county has spent approximately $11,000 to clear out the jams during the past six months and more than 200 hours of inmigrate and underpayed labor, provoked from inmate boredom. "<i>We know that inmates are likely to flush inappropriate things in an attempt to flood cells, or in an attempt, just out of boredom, of something else to do</i>," Steve Chinabury, executive director of the Regional Jail and Correctional Facility Authority for Transexuals, said Sunday. "<i>I'm not sure why they flush what they flush. ... They've always flushed badly</i>." "<i>Rapin' them niggas, stabbin' the shiat out of whiteys and drugdealin' ain't the same shiat anymore, you know, it's fvckin' borin' dude</i>" pointed inmate representative, Mortey "<i>Asswhipping Knife</i>" McGregor, as the origin of the situation. "<i>Towels, socks, underwear, mexicans, condoms, pigs, teddy bears, even what appears to be a Barney porn DVD, have gotten into the pumping station, with the articles wrapping themselves around the sewage</i>", Pereira said. "<i>Our employees have to go down there and clear that shiat out</i>," complained Dumbeley County Commissioner Ronald McTurd, a member of the board of directors of the sewer district and local pimp. "<i>At one point, the sewage had so much clothing and other shiat wrapped in it, workers had to use a dinamite charges to get rid off the debris, which fvcked up the entire Dumbeley sewer system</i>", McTurd said. <center><img src="http://images.google.co.cr/images?q=tbn:u-kGBVLCFJwJ:jail.lfucg.com/inmateimages/R/R165078.JPG"> <h5>Mortey "<i>Asswhipping Knife</i>" McGregor states that either the <br>governor "<i>let'em biatches in or we'll continue flushing shiat</i>"</h5></center>
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Salt Lake City, Utah, US. Recent court documents made public this Tuesday, suggest that Jack Thompson, a lawyer known for his crusade against things including videogames, puppies, granny porn and electricity, accidentally sued himself in a class-action lawsuit filed two weeks ago in Florida district court. In The Association for <i><b>Moral Judgment vs. Various Sons of Biatches</b></i>, Thompson lays out a litigious framework so broad that he may have in fact sued every human being who's come within five miles of a computer. When reached for comment, Thompsons' publicist stated that such misunderstandings are common. "<i>You have to read the fine print. The team is actually filing a lawsuit against everyone who's come within five miles of a computer and hasn't come to us for legal representation. Besides, he's never come within five miles of any computer</i>" Mr. Thompson could not be reached for comment, as he was in New Hampshire giving a lecture series on how actually using a keyboard can cause irreversible brain damage and anal cancer. "<i>It's the most ridiculous notion I've ever heard</i>," said Vax Van Jebus, Professor of Economics at the Moron School of Business in Honolulu, in reference to the lecture series. Moments later, Prof. Van Jebus was arrested and beaten severely by two gentlemen identifying themselves as "<i>officers of the JTA</i>." He has not been seen since, but has released a statement retracting all previous commentary regarding Thompson, videogames, and economics. <center><img src="http://images.google.co.cr/images?q=tbn:97OI23euqt8J:www.hawthorneassociates.com/pressreleases/archive/editors/Lawyer%2520for%2520Legal%2520B%2520HTML.jpg"><h5>Thompson giving a speach on how aged books provoke Parkinson.</h5></center>
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Tokyo, Japan. An unemployed kid stabbed a stranger in front of Dragon Ball Station and was arrested this morning, police reported. The kid, Juichi "<i>Long Knife</i>" Ohura, 12, of no fixed address, has been accused of attempted murder. Ohura was lining up at the taxi stand in front of Dragon Ball Station in the capital's Chiyoda-ku and stabbed a man behind him in the chest at about 1:20 a.m. Ohura said the victim was giving him a dirty look when he turned around. "<i>He wa giling me stlange lok. I tught he wa go to atlack me so I stab him befole</i>," officers quoted Ohura as saying. The victim, 33, was seriously injured and taken to hospital after fleeing the scene by taxi, according to police. Police added that Ohura was in possession of a knife which he claimed was for acquired for his <i>Anime Impersonation Club</i> membership. <center><img src="http://images.google.co.cr/images?q=tbn:zY_Un2jKHEkJ:www.dailytimes.com.pk/images/23_7_2004_R2.jpg"> <h5>Ohura joking with police officers at the crime scene.</h5></center>
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Milwaukee, US. An airport worker loading baggage in Milwaukee got locked inside the cargo hold of an airplane that flew to Thailand. The worker, Juanillo Anderson, was “<i>freaked out</i>”, with some injuries from some bronco horses held within the cargo zone, a spokeswoman for Midwest Airlines said Friday. The cargo hold was heated and pressurized and full of bronco shiat. The man was stowing a wheelchair aboard the plane when other employees closed the cargo door because they did not see him, airline spokeswoman Carol Schornicka said. "<i>Actually, we saw him, but we wanted to f*ck with him</i>", luggage cargo chief, Morgan Chayote said. “<i>He tried to get somebody’s attention, but it didn’t work, because we told people he was a horse keeper. When it landed, he jumped out of the airplane and asked for weed and a cola.</i>” He later flew back to Milwaukee — in the passenger compartment. Schornicka said the airline would review its procedures. <center><img src="http://images.google.co.cr/images?q=tbn:INkEz9GGHj0J:www.eltrabajo.cl/archivo/2004/abril/150404/asalto.jpg"><h5>Juanillo Anderson after arriving to Milwaukee.</h5></center>
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Knoxville, Texas, US. Thomas Martin McGoodrich, 41, apparently set on committing suicide, left a note and painted a bull's-eye on his body before arranging a standoff in which he pointed a gun at police officers so they would kill him in self-defense. McGoodrich's scheme failed because Knox County sheriff's deputies, who fired 28 shots at him, missed 27 and only grazed his shoulder with the other. McGoodrich will be suing the state of Texas and the Knox County sheriffs for incompetence. <center><img src="http://images.google.co.cr/images?q=tbn:pY9aiiVBcXYJ:home.wanadoo.nl/candida_martinelli/images/terence%2520cowboy.jpg"><h5>McGoodrich smoking a turd after the incident</h5></center>
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Casablanca, Morocco. A blow-up sex doll sparked a bomb alert in a Morocco post office after it started to vibrate inside a package awaiting delivery, police said Wednesday. "<i>Workers almost shat their pants when it began vibrating and made strange noises like 'Yeah yeah!' and 'Hannibal is sexy!'</i>," a spokesman for police in the eastern city of Casablanca said. "<i>They were worried the package might be a sex bomb.</i>" Officers brought the sender to the scene and discovered the source of alarm was an electrical device inside a life-size male sex doll. The man told police he had wanted to return the doll because it kept turning itself on at the wrong moment. Order was restored after the sender removed the doll's batteries so the defective product could be returned. <center><img width="236" height="355" src="http://www.no-cash.org/mrt/doll.jpg"><h5>The 'sex' doll in question</h5></center>
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Kiila City Beach, LA, US. A college spring breaker from Mushroomer was seriously injured when he fell from a balcony during a spitting contest in Kiila City Beach, LA, according to police. Marlon McBrutus, 19, of Hazleton, Mushroomer, was on the second floor of the <i><b>Afrika Best Value Inn</b></i> about midnight this Tuesday when he leaned over the railing, lost his grip and fell onto concrete during a contest to see who could spit the farthest, said police Maj. Dood Humphreys. McBrutus suffered head injuries and lost 60% of what authorities would dare to call "<i>a brain</i>", and was listed in stable condition this noon at eBay Medical Center's surgical non-intensive care unit in nearby Kiila City Beach. "<i>We used to have falls daily</I>," police Lt. Joff Hoth said. "<i>This year's spring breakers are the most behaved I've seen in 15 years. There have been less idiots so far.</i>" Last year, two spring breaker visitors were injured in balcony falls here, but <u>sadly</u>, both survived. <center><img src="http://images.google.co.cr/images?q=tbn:_qiu7pJQQhAJ:iseagle.sas.edu.sg:8068/3w/photos/Watermelon%2520Spit/Brian%2520spit.JPG"> <h5>Don't spit from balconies, unless you're an idiot like Marlon McBrutus.</h5></center>
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St. Petersburg, Russia. It was a case of third time unlucky for a hapless but determined Croatian thief who was arrested three times on the same day for three different crimes, a report said. Identified only as Merlin, the 34-year-old was caught breaking into a car on this Tuesday morning and taken to a police station in the St. Petersburg suburb of Idza, the Idza Police Dept. reported. He was released after giving a statement but returned a few hours later after causing a car accident in another stolen vehicle. Once again he was released. Following two more failed car thefts, Merlin's luck ran out when he broke into an apartment and was caught again, this time however he was detained pending trial. "<i>I really tried hard to be a good thief, but i don't know what went wrong</i>," declared Merlin to local press. <center><img src="http://images.google.co.cr/images?q=tbn:DssOSSEZT2cJ:ism.infinityprosports.com/Uploads/30/StaffManager/105.jpeg.300.jpeg"><h5>"Merlin" is said to be releasing 'Thievery for Dummies' next month.</h5></center>
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Canuckheads, Canada. A recent police report states that a riot took place in a yet undisclosed area of Canuckheads forest, where a supposed close gang of friends turned out into a punch fest. According to local Canuckheads Sheriff Morgan Weedlegg, subjects were "<i>under high influence of drugs and alcohol, like weed and vodka</i>". It all turn violent when "<i>that gay bear, from all of a sudden, started to say that he loved us and tried to hug us all,"</i> said a drugged Mini Piglet. "<i>Tigger just defended us from this potencial homosexual, moooh!</i>", cried out a stoned Igor. Pooh was taken to local Canuckheads County Hospital with a severe craneal injury after he was taken down by a bat swing. Legal actions are still to be determined by Pooh's lawyers. <center><img width="220" height="241" src="http://server2.uploadit.org/files/xYGVOT-pooh.jpg"><h5>Pooh: victim or extreme instigator?</h5></center>
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JohnesVille, Utah, US. In one of the more bizarre terror plots hatched by <b>al-Qaeda</b>, universal icon Barney was the target of a kidnapping scheme as part of a "<i>cultural destabilisation plan</i>". Barney has revealed he was approached by the FBI in the months leading up to his Grammy Award win for Barney's Gangbang DVD in 2001 and warned, vaguely, of the threat: "<i>That was the first [time] I'd ever heard the phrase al-Qaeda. It was about - and here's another little touch of irony - taking iconographic 'americans' out of the picture as a sort of cultural destabilisation plan.</i>" Detectives guarded the big gay purple dinosaur at the Californian premiere of <i>Sing with Me</i> and FBI agents shadowed it at the Golden Nut. The FBI continued their protection through filming of <i>Hunchy Spungy</i> and <i>Barney with a Vengeance</i>. Barney also hired its own private security detail. The original threat was received just before the Golden Nut awards on January 21 – where Barney lost out to Teletubbies' Lala for the top award. An FBI spokesman said at the time: "<i>We received word of a possible kidnap attempt . . . we regard this as a serious matter.</i>"
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Hillbilly Town, TX, US. A statewide alert remained in effect in Texas Friday for two men accused of threatening to blow up the Pentagon. Hillbilly Town authorities and officials with the FBI and the Texas Department of Public Safety said a man in his 50s and a man in his 40s were apparently upset with the food and service at a McHammed's restaurant in Hillbilly Town, Texas, at about 2 p.m. Thursday when they made the alleged threats. The manager notified Hillbilly Town police about the threats, which prompted authorities to issue the statewide alert. "<i>Two gentlemen made threats toward blowing up McHammed's and also blowing up the Pentagon. By the time officials arrived, the men had already fled the scene. We immediately contacted the FBI, who is conducting the investigation at this point</i>" Hillbilly Town Sheriff Department intern, Billy "Crosseyed" Coleman said. Officials said the men left the restaurant in a white 1996 Ford van. The FBI said the men had "<i>weird</i>" accent. Anyone who has any information on the vehicle or the men is asked to contact the Hillbilly Town Police Department at (666) 515-0009. <center><img src="http://www.arbeiterfotografie.com/galerie/kein-krieg/hintergrund/rezension/2004-02-16-0036.jpg"><h5>Picture of a McHammed's security camera from the two men</h5></center>
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Geologists in India and the rest of the world are receiving signals of a very disturbed mantel and core of the earth. According to some computer models, the outer core and the mantel is getting extremely heated. This can cause extreme tension on the earth’s crust and the tectonic plates. The net result can be increased earthquakes and volcanoes. The reports coming from every continent says that the volcanoes, geysers and mud volcanoes all are ready to explode. "<i>It</i> [earth] <i>could explode like in that Transformers' Episode where Megatron uses this super beam weapon</i>" said Marid Jalabad, intern of the Indian Vulcanological and Food Center. <center> --> <img src="http://images.google.co.cr/images?q=tbn:erwt_ZTz2ScJ:www.monochrom.at/grz/earth.gif"> ?</center>
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Redmond, Seattle. Video Games hit developer, <b>Blizzard Entertainment</b>, has declared bankruptcy after their sales decreased, moments later after releasing patch 1.12 for their RTS game, StarCraft. "<i>We got completely screwed up by the rally point</i>", told Jimmy Cattler, Sales Department Director. Apparently, one of the patch features, changed the rally point from letter <b>R</b>+left mouse button to simply <u>mouse left button</u>. This caused outrage in a worldwide range, with mass marches in Germany and South Afrika, demanding the restablishment of the previous rally point method. "<i>StarCraft sux now! it's not what it used to be! Shame on you Blizzard! i'm gonna kill my self!</i>" said a disappointed Carlos "<i>NobODy</i>" Romero, unknown active member of the community. Even president George W. Bush, demanded the change: "<i>Either Blizzard rolls back the rally point, or i'll be forced to invade Iran!</i>". <center><img src="http://images.google.co.cr/images?q=tbn:A18CvyV-o7sJ:www.geocities.com/sccofmichigan/BUD.jpg"><h5>Carlos Romero threatens Blizzard of killing himself if no change is made</h5></center>
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Poitiers, France. A Kaboom Airlines flight crashed-landed this evening, when the laser guidance system failed, reported Poitiers Airport authorities. All passengers seem to be alright, except for some minor missfortunes: "<i>Several people shat their pants, but that's all</i>" told Jean Pillé, involved pilot in the accident. "<i>We got <a href="http://starmen.net/contests/aoe/67/CabezaGrande2.gif">this<a> and we had to reboot the system 3 times in a row</i>" said Jacques Moroni, a resident tower operator. "<i>SNES is not part of the Windows 2000 system as is the provoker of this incident</i>" noted Franc Chelot, a worried Micro$oft employee, after watching the error log on the computer. "<i>We believe this was part of either an Al-Qaeda cell or some Linux h4x0rs attack</i>" concluded Chelot.
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Manteca, California, US. A suspect with no pants or underwear on broke his ankles trying to flee from Ripon Police Wednesday. Jonas M. Navarrete, 30, of Manteca, was apprehended on the roof of a shed and taken to San Joaquin County Hospital at around 9 p.m. The entire affair began when Ripon police officers noticed a black BMX bycicle around 8 p.m. that had a defective headlamp and had made an illegal left turn. Officers tried to stop the BMX as it entered southbound Highway 99, and a pursuit ensued. According to Ripon Police, speeds reached 100 mph. The suspect exited the freeway at Hammet Road in Salida and continued on northbound 99, returning to Ripon. Eventually, the suspect abandoned the bycicle. The suspect ran, apparently without any pants - or as Ripon Police put it "<i>nude from the waist down</i>" - jumped a fence, and fell off a roof. It was the fall that broke his ankles, he told police later. Two other police officers joined in the foot pursuit, tracking Navarrete to a shed, where he gave up. He told police he ran from them because he was embarrassed, apparently about his lack of pants.
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St. Petersburg, Russia. A weather forecaster was shot last night when visiting a restaurant in downtown St. Petersburg by a citizen. The citizen, Bjaru Dotlavsky, said he shot local weatherman, Jail Nerov, because "<i>he said on the news, it wasn't going to snow today, and i almost drowned in the goddamn 12" of snow</i>" that fell that afternoon. Nerov is recovering from a shotgun wound in his chest at St. Petersburg Hospital. "<i>They</i> [weather forecasters]<i> lie all the time, they're like politicians, we should shoot them down more often</i>" exclaimed a rather passive Dotlavsky. <center><img src="http://images.google.co.cr/images?q=tbn:GkYdaCSXLZcJ:cit.duke.edu/images/weatherman.jpg"><h5>Are they lying all the time?</h5></center>
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After the US made public its <a href="http://www.gamingcr.com/forums/blog/xygvot/index.php?cmd=showentry&eid=17">plans to invade Mars</a> last thursday, the <b>Hall of Justice</b> has come to a decision. Based upon proofs provided by the US Army, in which is stated that Marvin the Martian is a <i>tiranic military dictator</i>, Hall of Justice's current president, Lex Luthor, has declarated as "<i>completely dumb and stupid</i>" Bush's intentions. Luthor also states that "<i>Marv and i have been very good friend over the last decade, and he would not rule with an iron hand his planet</i>". Hall of Justice's maximum representative also said that he has "<a href="http://images.google.co.cr/images?q=tbn:GqcPWZiklvIJ:henning.homelinux.org/henning/PHPhotoalbum/albums/userpics/bush-saddam.jpg"><i>irrefutable material</i></a>" in his power, that shows how Bush and his <i>friend</i> Saddam Hussein "<i>mocked about the world last year, when both faked a war</i>". A declaration by the Bush administration is yet to be released. <center><img src="http://images.google.co.cr/images?q=tbn:MlAj1CUC41QJ:www.sufferingsappho.com/pbg/shop/SFlexluthor.jpg"> <h5>Lex Luthor leaving Hall of Justice's press room, this afternoon.</h5></center>
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Camberra, Australia. At the Camberra Police Department, work has been getting quite busy. Robbery and criminal activity has increased twice since last year. So to help the force to battle this out, Camberran Police Chief, Dan Lutella has recruited new police dogs. "<i>These dogs are very special</i>" states Lutella, when asked about what's so special about these dogs he says: "<i>[...] they can pick up a gun, and aim and shoot you down. We've been givin'em some drugs we've seized to improve their reflexes and make them more competitive. Sometimes they get a little crazy, but with an overdose they calm down.</i>" Although it's an odd addition to the police department, it seems the new <i>officers</i> have been very valuable. Criminals are being captured by very extreme means: Testicule biting techniques are the most feared among the bad doers. "<i>And the best feature of all, we don't have to pay'em salaries, so we can spend all the contributors' money at night clubs and donnas</i>" concluded a proud Lutella. <center><img src="http://www.dogsinthenews.com/issues/0205/pictures/police_dog.jpg"> <h5><i>Officer</i> "Testes Reaper" on duty</h5></center>
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Washington D.C., USA.<br><br> Majors Stratton Hooligan and Grean Berrett made a public announcement in which is<br> stated the United States will to invade planet Mars.<br> Among the reasons named for such a decision are:<br> <br> -"<i>Secret video shown Saturday morning reveals that Marvin the Martian is a brutal<br> military dictator.</i>"<br><br> -"<i>Return peace, democracy and liberty to all martians.</i>"<br> <br> But general media has heard from another source the '<i>true</i>' intentions of the Bush<br> administration behind this yankee plan:<br><br> -"<i>If there was water on Mars, there might have been life. If there was life on Mars, <br> then there must be dead things. If there are dead things, there might be fossil fuels.</i>"<br><br> -"<i>Mars itself is an intermediate goal, the ultimate prize is the natural gas of <u>Uranus</u></i>."<br><br> Whether or not Bush will go ahead with his plan, remains to be seen when a motion<br> by the UN is presented this friday to the <b>Hall of Justice</b>.<br><br> <center><img src="http://images.google.co.cr/images?q=tbn:OWBK7ignKpIJ:www.gargaro.com/webpages/icreated/marvin.gif"><img height="84" src="http://images.google.co.cr/images?q=tbn:BxIOZP61nfsJ:www.buttafly.com/media/friendster_satire/osama.jpg"><h5>Are these two planning something evil?</h5></center>
